How to tap your network and ask for help

How to tap your network and ask for helpHow to tap your network and ask for helpEvery couple of years I find myself at a career inflection point that fork-in-the-road feeling of bedrngnislage knowing which path to take next.The older I get, the less these periods of self-doubt and spinning my wheels completely unravel me, because Im able to see them for what they are an opportunity to push back on inertia, evaluate my options, and move forward mindfully.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreThe best way Ive found support in moving past these pivot points is through powerful conversation with people I admire. Whether its meeting with mentors and advisors or folks Ive met more recently whose careers I admire, the way I tap into my network and ask for help is the same. Its all about respecting peoples time and their willingness to share it with you.After the publication ofthe Bossed Up B ook, Ive been feeling a bit aloof myself. Its completely expected after completing a massive goal that Ive been striving towards for years, and to navigate whatevers next for me and Bossed Up, Ive been reaching out to a whole bunch of mentors lately to discuss where I might go from here.Heres how I reach out to my network and ask for help1. Ask fortimeWhen I reach out for support, I start with a brief email asking my mentor for their most precious resource some time on their calendar. I never ask the big burly questions Im wrestling with in the body of the email itself, but instead give them a sense as to why I value their perspective and would love time to connect.Heres a recent email I sent to a former professor of mine (whose name Ive changed)Subj Hey David Coffee?Hey David I hope this email finds you well.Im wondering if you might have time in the next few weeks to bestattungs a virtual coffee via video chat. Id love to catch up properly, and Id especially love your insights as I come up on nearly 7 years of pursuing Bossed Up.Im starting to feel like Ive hit something of a growth ceiling and would love your thoughts on how I can ensure Im continuing to set myself up for long-term growth and maximum impact.Im just now beginning to think about whats next for me and Bossed Up and would so appreciate the perspective of someone like you whos been so instrumental at various points in my career thus far and whose own career I admire so muchIf youre down to share a half hour or so of your time, let me know when works best for youMy best,EmilieKeep it short, be specific about how much time youre asking for, and allude to what youre looking to discuss.2. Do your homeworkIn preparing for these conversations, I always take a few minutes to review the online profiles of the folks Im about to speak with. David recently published another book and spoke on MSNBC, so you can bet I wanted to read up on all his latest and greatest happenings, both partieally and professio nally.This helps me connect partieally with the appropriate congratulations at the top of our call, of course, and it also helps inform the questions I might prepare to ask. For instance, had I not seen his MSNBC appearance, I wouldnt have known to ask how he got invited on the network. In the age of social media algorithms, its not always easy to passively keep up to date with your friends and mentors, so do your due diligence before your call so you can show youre keeping up with whats happening in their life and career, too.3. Be honest about your challengesAsking for help is a vulnerable act, which makes it uncomfortable for many of us. But keep in mind acknowledging that youre dissatisfied or frustrated doesnt detract from your achievements thus far. Im incredibly proud of the work I do here at Bossed Up, but that doesnt mean I cant strive for more and maintain ambitions beyond what Ive already done.So when reaching out for help, its important to be as clear as possible about w hats got you down. Dont get caught in the perfectionistic trap of saying everythings fine or downplaying your challenges. Articulate them, so the person on the other end of the line can help.If youre having trouble putting your finger on exactly whats got you feeling bummed, try tapping into envy instead. Who do you have a career crush on? Who do you want to be more like? What about them do you admire? Sharing those details can help the person whos trying to help you get a better understanding of where youre at and where youd like to go, which can spur their suggestions and ideas for what to do next.4. Listen activelyOnce youve articulated your challenges, resist the temptation to manage the conversation too much from there. Let your mentor or friend spitball some ideas and listen carefully to truly understand what theyre trying to share with you. Ask follow-up questions like, What do you mean by that? and Can you tell me more? to get them to expand on their advice and share more of how theyve learned from their own experiences.Its ok for these conversations to be meandering. Its not about landing on a solution right away, its about exploring options and following your curiosity. Dont feel the need to land on a perfect finish line, consider this a start to a broader exploratory conversation, one that can continue via email and future meetups as well.5. Follow upAfter you meet up, make sure tosend a thank-you note or giftto show your appreciation and keep in touch as you make progress on your career journey. Send an occasional email update or follow-up question to keep the ideas flowing and as always, look out for opportunities for mutual support.Be specific about how youre acting on what your contact shared with you. How have you taken their advice to heart? How are you moving forward? Or still feeling stuck? Loop back with them either way, just be considerate about not constantly asking for one persons time. When navigating a career inflection point, hearing from lots of different perspectives you respect can help you move forward.This article first appeared on Bossed Up.